Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
