DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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