i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
