I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
