and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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