I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
