I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
