i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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