I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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