I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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