You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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