Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
