i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
