Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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