i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
