yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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