i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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