Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
