Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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