White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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