my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
