Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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