He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
