Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
