Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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