well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
