I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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