she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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