I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
