Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
