and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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