I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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