I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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