omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
