Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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