How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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