she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell