youre lurking in front of me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry