Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important