I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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