Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house