The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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