literally had 100 drinks last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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