he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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