There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.