Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
