I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
