What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
