ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
