my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
