I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize