When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
