My sheets look like a crime scene.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
