Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
