dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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