The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The best revenge is premature balding
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
