i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize