I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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