When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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