He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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