His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
