then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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