I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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