I accidentally burped into my bong.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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