how do flat chested girls get laid?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
