We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
