My friends, they love my intelligence
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
