She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am available for nakedness
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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