well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
