There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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