Barsexuality is the new black.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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