his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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