direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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