I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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