she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
