FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
