he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
